How we feel inside manifests in how we look and behave.

A lot of things happen unexpectedly that cause us to lose sight of who we are and who we’re meant to be.

I lost a huge part of myself, without even realizing it, when I got married.

My focus was on blending my life with his so that he could feel comfortable.

I strayed from what I liked and adapted to his wants and interests.

As the marriage got progressively worse, I kept losing pieces of myself.

One of the things I lost was my tasteful sexiness.

My mother raised me to be a woman with grace and poise, a woman who charms men with her personality and has a modest fashion flair.

I lost that sexy quality during my marriage because I stopped giving to myself and started giving more to my responsibilities.

It started with tending completely to my ex husband’s needs.

Then the kids came and I had to pour myself into them.

I’m not complaining but what I am saying is that I got to a point where I started questioning myself.

Who are you Carline? That’s what I asked myself when I looked in the mirror one day and was heart-broken by what I saw.

The grace and poise I once had wasn’t reflected in how I dressed or carried myself. I had let myself go.

My kids were well dressed, but I was walking around with holes in my pants and awful shoes. I paid no attention to myself.

I dreaded calls from my sisters asking me to go shopping with them. My reluctance was evident and I spent the entire time tending to the kids.

My sisters would walk out with bags filled with fashionable clothes. I walked out with nothing for myself, especially since I wasn’t financially secure at the time.

How Carline Got Her Groove Back

I hated not feeling like myself. Things needed to change!

First, I deliberately bought at least one item I absolutely loved when I went shopping for the kids. That’s how I built my wardrobe into what it is today.

Trust me, it’s filled with pieces that make me feel confident and sexy! They aren’t pieces based on trends becase trends fade. Instead, I have statement pieces that I can mix and match. My fashion took on a new persona.

Second, I taught myself how to slow down. I tend to always be on the go as an entrepreneur and a mom. If I’m not on the road preparing for (and executing) events, I’m studying so that I can learn something new or get more credentials, and I’m managing my responsibilities as a single mother.

This approach meant I would often get migraines. Terrible migraines. They got so bad that I had to depend heavily on Excedrin.

I taught myself to listen to my body and slow down. I’m no good to anyone when I’m in that frenzied, migraine-ridden state. I use this time to do things I love so that I can get myself back on track. Some of the things I did include:

• Going to my favorite restaurant
• Treating myself to something I wanted to buy but never did
• Attending a spin or zumba class
• Attending dinner dates with friends

Those dinner dates were big for me because I was hiding for so many years. The harassment and abuse from my ex-husband forced me to stop socializing. It was truly an ordeal.

You Can Get Your Groove Back Too

I don’t know what you’re going through right now but I want you to know that you’re valuable. Don’t let the difficulties of life tell you otherwise.

It’s easy to feel guilty for taking care of yourself when you have multiple responsibilities. The truth is though that you won’t handle those responsibilities well if you aren’t feeling good about yourself.

Rebuild your wardrobe. Do things you love. Get your sexy back!

What are some things you do to treat yourself? Let me know in the comments below.